What Do You Want
by carlsnation-ish
Summary: I'm not sure what's going to happen to me now. Things will never be the same, that's for sure. My fate is in the hands of some greater power, and the best I can do is simply pray for mercy and hope for the best. After all, love never perishes, right?
1. It must be love

**This was a little thing in the back of my head while reading Long Shadows...please tell me what you think.**

Hollyleaf x Breezepelt

Hollyleaf:

The muscles under his dark pelt ripple, and I am watching him. Unfortunetly, I'm not even sure that he knows I exist, but whatever. All I care about is _him. _His beauty. His grace. His amazing hypnotic influence on my heart.

His eyes sparkle in the moonlight. His pelt shimmers with starlight, and I catch my breath. Wow. I never stopped to really dwell on how well built his muscles are.

He catches my eye at the Gathering, and I am tempted to run over and press my muzzle into his soft fur. But I know I can't. I must remain loyal. But Breezepelt....he stalks my dreams. My thoughts are enlightened by his image. I want him. I need him. I love him.

Breezepelt:

As I look up, we make eye contact. Her eyes are a dazzling green, and in the moonlight they glow like emeralds. I am awestruck by the confidence in which she moves, the elegance in her sleek black pelt.

I know she feels the same way about me. She must. I've seen the way she looks at me out of the corner of her eye. I've seen the anguish as we are drawn seperate ways by our clans. I must have her! She is the wonder of my world, the bedazzling jewel in the sky.

But she probably doesn't even know I exist. I'm sure all those looks are just out of my head. I should just get over her.

What am I thinking? I love her! Hollyleaf, she's mine. I love her more than anything in the world.

**The next Gathering....**

I scan the crowds, looking for one face. My heart is sinking. He's not here? I scan the bushes one more time. Wait....a dark gray tail waves out of the bushes. Breezepelt!

I run over behind the bushes. Breezepelt. I love him more than I can express.

"Hollyleaf, I was wondering if you wanted to share this mouse with me." He pushes a mouse towards me. He is so sweet!

"Of course." I bend down next to him and take my first bite, his scent flooding my senses, overpowering the tantalizing scent of mouse. But what is more tantalizing than my Breezepelt?

I look up, surprised by our sudden closeness. His face is barely an inch from mine, and I can feel his warm breath raspy on my cheek. He licks my ear. Surprised by the sudden gesture, I stand up.

"Do you want me to catch you something in return? What do you want?" The words tumble out of my mouth, my brain going faster than my tongue.

He leaps up and stands next to me.

"What do you want?" I ask him. He presses his pelt against me. "You...." he moans sub-conciously. I smile inwardly.

"No, mousebrain, as in food." He blinks. "Hollyleaf, I love you."

My heart is on fire. My entire world has just been enlightened. "I love you too, Breezepelt."

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Breezepelt and I whirl around at the same time. It's Brambleclaw.


	2. Willing to kill

**I was really bored and decided to make another chapter for this one....you know, it was kind of a cliffhanger. This one might not be quite as good, but I've been off my sleep track what with going back to school and such. Let me know!!**

Hollyleaf: 

My heart sinks to some drafty corner I don't even know existed. It's all over for Breezepelt and I. _No! It can't be! I love him..._ but I know there's no way. Even if by some amazing twist of fate Brambleclaw _doesn't _tell Firestar, I'll never be able to see him. It's over.

I turn to face my father. I don't make eye contact. To my surprise, he looks just about as miserable as I feel. "Hollyleaf," he begins, but he dawdles. I hold his gaze. What does he have to say?

"Hollyleaf, it kills me to do this, it really does. But as your deputy and your father, it is my duty to tell you that there are plenty of attractive male cats in _ThunderClan._ I'm afraid I can't let you stay with Breezepelt." He puts his tail on my flank and guides me over to the bushes.

I look back one more time at Breezepelt's anguished face. "Wait!" I leap out of my father's hold. "Just let me say good-bye!" Brambleclaw just sighs.

I run up to Breezepelt and bury my face in his flank. He rasps his tongue over my ears, and we entwine our tails. Feeling grief and horror at how soon this ended, I stand there for what seems like forever, his sweet scent hovering in the air around me.

But how quickly forever can seem like nothing! Breezepelt licks my face one last time. "Meet me by the stream on the border in two days time," I hear him murmur in my ear. I press my flank against him. "Anytime if it means you."

With all my strength, I wrench myself from him and turn to Brambleclaw. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

"Lead the way!" I said to him, trying to sound as perky as possible. He has no idea what fate has in mind for him. The dark tabby turns his back to me and begins to walk forward. I wink at Breezepelt. He knows what's coming.

I hope no one at the Gathering heard the quick gasp and the hiss from the other side of the bushes. Hopefully no one will even know Brambleclaw's missing.

Breezepelt:

Wow. Turning to Hollyleaf, I just let my mouth fall open in shock. "Did you....did you...." She bounded over to me and licked my face. "I had to. You see? That's what I was willing to do for you. I love you!"

I can feel my heart beating a little faster. I love Hollyleaf so much. I love her more than anything I know. She is by far more beautiful than any cat in WindClan. I could never find another after her! And she loves me, too! Heck, she was willing to kill her own father for me!

"Hollyleaf....do you want to meet me by the border tonight instead? I don't think I can wait!" It's true; I need her. I want her. I am incomplete without her. Well, what else is there to say? I love her! If she had taken Brambleclaw seriously...well....what would I have done? It's not like I can actually _survive _without her.

"Of course! The sooner the better! And I'm sure it's a little more private than here." She presses her face against mine. "We should get back. They'll be missing us."

I lie awake for hours that night, feeling the moonlight like a blanket of white and wishing Hollyleaf was right here. I get up. As far as I can tell, all the cats are asleep. I creep around the sleeping bodies, my dark pelt blending in with the shadows. It is time.

I slip through a tiny disused rabbit hole out onto the open moor. I start running. Running as fast as I can. For I know the faster I go, the longer I'll be able to spend with Hollyleaf. And I love her.

Hollyleaf:

I watch him come closer, perched on under a bush by the stream. He runs straight through the water, the reflected starlight splashing onto his fur. He leaped and sprints until he is sitting right next to me.

His scent clogs my senses with it's sweetness, his fur is warm against mine. His tail, entwined with mine, even that is perfect. He is perfect. He's Breezepelt. And I love him.

"Breezepelt, we came to close last time. Do you know what would've happened to us if Brambleclaw told Firestar?" I was serious, but Breezepelt only scoffed. "Let's not worry about what didn't happen."

"How philosophical," I murmur, before letting myself drift into this bliss. We shared tongues for a little, he groomed my pelt and I his. I would have given up the world to stay in that moment forever, however greedy that might seem. But it's true. I love Breezepelt more than words can express.

And only time will tell if fate will be as kind to me in the future.

**A/N: So how is it? I know it's a little random, but as I said before, I was tired and bored. MORE COMING. Just might not get around to it...running a little low on creativity. **


	3. What have I done?

**Here is chapter three of What do you want. Please let me know.....also, no harsh comments please. If you don't like it, deal with it it's not the end of the world.**

**Back in ThunderClan ...**

Hollyleaf:

I wriggle into the thorn tunnel the next morning with a couple of mice and a vole dangling from my jaws. The scent soothes the acrid scent of the mud I rolled in to disguise Breezepelt's scent.

My mother corners me by the fresh-kill pile. The expression in her eyes is pained. My heart pounds in my chest. I'm positive she can hear it. "Hollyleaf, where in the name of StarClan have you been? Nobody's seen you since before the Gathering started! Oh, and have you seen Brambleclaw?"

Uh-oh.

I forgot about him. What have I done? My scent is all over him. The island is the first place they'll look. I'm doomed. Oh, great StarClan! I just killed my own father! Oh....what have I done? What have I done? My own father is dead now. The body has my name written all over it! I am swallowed in guilt.

I JUST KILLED THE DEPUTY!!!

Firestar will have my head for a plaque on his wall....but what about Squirrelflight? Brambleclaw was her mate! She loved him more than any cat in the forest. Just the mere thought of her distress makes me want to crawl away and hide.

_But what about Breezepelt? _

True, very true. On the other hand, if Brambleclaw had _lived, _I would probably still be dead. Probably back to apprentice duties. I wouldn't be allowed to attend Gatherings. Oh, and never patrol the WindClan borders. I could think of numerous tasks and demotions that would humiliate me and basically wish I had done what I'd done.

"Um...still here!" Squirrelflight clicks her tongue disapprovingly. I snap out of my horrors and realize I never responded to her inquiries.

"Yeah, um, about that, I needed a hunt and some change of scenery. Brambleclaw's missing?" I tried my best to sound as innocent as possible and not make the subject my absense.

I killed Brambleclaw. I'm a murderer. Oh no....I didn't realize that until now. What was I thinking? What is wrong with me? One second I was prepared to explain myself to Firestar, the next second, bam. I just kind of slit his throat open. Have I gone psychosomatic? Suddenly something dawns on me. Tigerstar is my kin. I wonder if I'll end up like him.

"Yes Brambleclaw's missing! And I'm worried sick about him. He's our deputy and my mate and your father. I've been out on search parties all day." Ouch. Once again I am submerged in guilt. _But Breezepelt loves me. _I couldn't possibly sacrifice my love.

Just remembering that night at the Gathering makes my face heat up. He told me he loved me. He told me he wanted me. And I want him, too. The only question is- do I really want to kill for our relationship? Well, I just did. Oh, great StarClan, what was I thinking? What is my problem? Now I'm just genuinely upset. Brambleclaw was my father. I'm sure he would've understood the situation. He knows what it is like to be heartbroken. I've heard the tales.

Who am I kidding? Of course I would kill for him! I love Breezepelt with my heart and soul, with every last hair on my pelt and every drop of blood in my veins. In my heart I know I'm a dirty rotten good for nothing murderer of innocent cats, but let's try not to dwell on that right now. My point is that Breezepelt sees my good side. He loves me right back.

I killed Brambleclaw.

Breezetail:

Wow.

That's the only thing I can think. Wow.

Hollyleaf was willing to kill her own father/deputy for me. I've never felt more special in my entire life. (Except maybe when I was apprenticed.) But that's beside my point. She loves me that much? I mean, I'm sure she's in shock right now. Who wouldn't be? It takes real guts to kill. But if you're killing for love, that's well- different.

By the way, Brambleclaw was wrong. There aren't very many good-looking she-cats in WindClan.

I wriggle through the thorns surrounding the WindClan camp to a furious Ashfoot. Uh-oh. The WindClan deputy is not pretty when mad. Her gray fur is fluffed up so she looks twice her size and I cower under her piercing gaze. Well, it's just one big intimidation nation.

I wonder if Hollyleaf ran into this problem. Oh, I love her so much. I hope they didn't give her a hard time.

"Breezetail! What exactly do you think you're doing getting back to camp at this hour? You think you can just disappear during a _Gathering?" _I'm not really listening to her. Well, I'm far too giddy and blissful to work out that she's actually mad at me.

"Hey, Ashfoot, bad hair day today?" I snort at my own line. She looks as though she would rather shred my ears off. "Out of my way, poofy." I shove her aside. I need to see Barkface. I must be drugged by Hollyleaf's passionate love for me.

That night I have to see her. Every time I close my eyes I see her. Every time I open my eyes, I see her. Every time I just drift into day dreams, I see her. Oh....Hollyleaf! I love her so much.

So here I am, at the WindClan border. And here I am, quite without her. My heart is aching. I need her! I want her so bad its driving me mad, its driving me mad. **sorry had to do that **

Oh wait....my heart gives a wildly joyous leap. I am filled with eternal bliss. Nothing could compare to the wonder of this moment right now. Nothing but a dark shape on the horizon, but it's her. Ecstasy. Wow, the starlight makes her fur look amazing. Her eyes are so beautiful. Her pelt is so beautiful. Hollyleaf is so beautiful. Her pelt is full of starlight. She runs up, but doesn't cross the border.

What?

I yowl in distress. "Hollyleaf, I want you! Come here!" The starry cat laughs.

"Oh, Breezepelt. This is nothing but a dream!" She gives another mrrow of laughter. What? What?

What? A dream? How can I be dreaming? This is too good to be a dream! But then again, it's also too good to be true.

"You're dreaming, Breezepelt! You're dreaming! You're dreaming!" Her voice begins to fade. She begins to fade. Wait- why does she sound like a tom?

"Silly furball- it's a dream! Wake up!" My eyes fly open. Gorsetail is standing over me, prodding me with a paw.

"What do you mean, 'What?' You were yowling in your sleep! You woke me up." My ears grow hot with embarrassment, and I lick my chest fur casually, mumbling something about being sorry. Of course, I'm not in the least sorry, just scared. I wonder how much he heard. But he would have said something by now though- cross-clan affairs aren't necessarily the minority.

Oh, but what a painful dream! Hollyleaf has virtually ruined my life. When I'm not with her, that is. Love. What a stupidly agonizing concept.


	4. Exile

**Chapter four of my Hollyleaf x Breezepelt drabble, What Do You Want.**

**Please let me know without any harsh comments.**

_Hollyleaf:_

Wow. What is my problem? I can't stop thinking about him! Arrgh! Stupid mind. Stupid emotions. Stupid love. Why does everything have to be so difficult for me? When you're in love, you're in love. Instant obsession.

Sure it started out as a small crush. But love comes. Love creeps up from behind you and pounces. And once you've been hit, there's no turning back. You're doomed to eternal oblivion, ecstasy, and heartbreak. And unfortunetly, I've fallen prey to this horrible creature.

I've been crushed.

But what's to lose? I love him. He loves me. So doesn't it work out perfectly? Everything will be okay.

Denial gets you no where.

Nothing is certain to turn out okay. Ever. Especially when you're madly in love with a drop dead gorgeous tom from WindClan. From _WindClan. _When it's forbidden, you're basically screwed. Well, what are we gonna do? Fling it and run off into the mountains to raise a family? Hell no! Sooner or later, fate will terminate our love and I'll be left to hook up with some stupid ThunderClan cat.

ThunderClan doesn't have any attractive toms.

I mean, who am I going to run off with if my current relationship doesn't work out? Berrynose? Mousewhisker? (Oh, eew!) Absolutely not. There's nothing left to do except let fate decide what will become of us.

Why can't I stop thinking about him?

"Hollyleaf, are you okay?" Jayfeather can sense my mixed feelings. I know he can. Why isn't anything in my life private? "Hollyleaf? I said, are you okay? You look a little nausious."

Oh, great. Now throw nausia on top of all this and I'm screwed. "I'm fine. Just a little lightheaded, that's all. I could use a little freshkill and a run through the forest, that's all."

Jayfeather eyes me suspiciously. "Hollyleaf, I know you must be upset about Brambleclaw. But you can't let greif get in the way of the clan! There's no time for 'a run through the forest'! You have to put your sorrow aside!"

Oh no. Brambleclaw. Well there we go! We might as well throw that up there, too. I forgot about him. The "mysterious" murder. Jayfeather walks away, and the world sways. Any second now, Firestar will announce my exile. Sandstorn and Thornclaw just brought the body back, and my scent is all over it.

I killed the deputy.

Damn it, why can't I stop thinking about _him_?

I rock back and forth on my paws, waiting for Firestar to call a clan meeting. I'm doomed. Doomed for eternity. Doomed for eternity and beyond. Wow, what was I thinking? Cats have cross clan affairs all the time. What was I worried about?

Oh right. Had poor old Brambleclaw lived, my love with that certain someone would've been cut right then and there. It would be like living suicide. Living a lifetime of suicide. Could anything be worse than separation from your love?

Exile, perhaps.

Oh great StarClan. He's coming out of his den. He looks grim. And depressed. My leader's tail is dragging in the dust, and every rib is visible. Now I just feel bad.

"Would all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the highledge for a clan meeting."

Even his voice sounded as though it had been neglected long ago. His whiskers drooped and his pelt seemed to sag off his bones. What have I done? Oh man. I deserve what I am going to get.

I brace myself. Holding my breath, I turn to face the highledge. Cats are starting to appear from all corners of the camp, the clearing filling up. Uh-oh, it looks like a lot of cats will be here for my exile. I wheeze and realize I have been holding my breath for one second too long.

"As many of you may have noticed, Brambleclaw has gone missing. What happened to him? For many long and sleepless days, no one knew. But that has changed." I flinch as he looks me directly in the eye. I can feel myself wilting, melting like an icicle left in the sun. How did it get to this?

Hollyleaf, murderer and traitor to her clan. Hmm, I like that. Sounds pretty tough.

"Sandstorm and Thornclaw found evidence on the island. And what was this evidence? Brambleclaw's dead body!"

Gasps erupt from the surrounding cats. "No!" Squirrelflight yowls, clawing up tufts of grass. Guilt claws at my heart. I wonder for one horrible second what her reaction will be when she finds out her own daughter was responsible.

"The body was under a clump of holly bushes which disguised the scent. His throat was slit." Had I really done that? I thought I might have just suffocated him…oh right. I had to clean the blood off my paws in the stream by the WindClan border.

"And who, you might be asking, was responsible for such a horrible treacherous doing?"

I brace myself, digging my claws into the soft, springy grass. Suddenly the world is spinning around me. Everything is muted, and I can practically feel my life flashing before my eyes. I didn't know those corny cliches were true.

"HOLLYLEAF!" Firestar screeches, his voice leaping from somewhere deep inside. "You are exiled! Go! I never want to see you again! If any cat sees you on our territory after sunset, they have my permission to kill you! Get out of here! Get out!'

The entire clan bursts into a raucous chorus of reactions.

"What? No! There must be some kind of mistake! Holllyleaf wouldn't do that! Not her own father…." Squirrelflight looks mortified. She looks at me. I want to wail out like a kit and bury my nose in her soft fur. But I know I can't. I was exiled. If I ever set paw on ThunderClan territory again, I would be killed.

I sigh and turned to walk out the thorn tunnel, flanked by two rows of screeching, angry cats. I even catch sight of Jayfeather's face, sickened and distraught. His sightless eyes portraying pure agony, his fur fluffed up, his voice chiming in with the others.

This is it. Exile. Hollyleaf, murderer, traitor to her clan, official loner.

_Breezepelt:_

"Exile? You're kidding me!" She doesn't look like she's joking. In fact, she looks miserable.

She buries her face in my fur. "Oh, Breezepelt, what have I done? And I have a huge favor to ask of you." I lick her ears. "What is it, gorgeous?"

She hesitates for what seems like forever.

"Will you come with me when I leave the lake?" Ouch. That "huge favor" is a little more huge than I had in mind. But what can I say to her? I love her. I love her more than words can portray. My love burns like a fire in my heart. It will never go out until death! I will die before I leave her!

But on the other hand, I do have a life in WindClan. I'm happy. But would I really be happy if I knew I would never see her again? I have to.

"Oh Hollyleaf! Would I ever not?" I rasp my tongue over her cheek. She really is totally and completely drop-dead-out-of-this-world-lost-for-words gorgeous. Beautiful. What a simply fantastic body! I tell you, that cat is on fire.

She gives a wild purr of excitement and curls up against me. I lay down and roll onto my back, and she lays down beside me. We share tongues and I curl up, my head against her soft chest fur. Hollyleaf licks my neck, her face rubbing against mine.

"Oh, Breezepelt….oh, Breezepelt….I love you so much!"

I love her, too. But I don't say it. This moment is far too perfect to be ruined by speech. Who could interupt this glorious time in my life? Certainly not I.

**Three days later…..**

"Breezepelt, you remember the night I asked you to join me in exile?" I nod. We are on our way to the mountains. We will never be able to see our clans again. Nothing will ever be the same. But all the while I am happy. Hollyleaf is by my side and that is what really matters.

"Well, you remember after you said yes and we got serious?" I nod again. Oh, that was the life. Hollyleaf's body is so beautiful. Her eyes are so bright. Her fur is so soft. What could I forget? Oh, how I wish that moment could've lasted forever. Love is an interesting thing in that way. A little give and take on both sides.

We did get serious. And I know I said I wouldn't fling it any time soon, but what's a tom to do when he's with some beautiful she-cat like Hollyleaf?

"Breezepelt, I'm _pregnant._"

*A/N: So what do you think? I took a suggestion from one of my reviews…sorry, can't remember who's it was.

I know cliffhangers are not nice, but it adds to the drama and keeps people reading when I update. PLEASE REVIEW IF I DON'T GET REVIEWS, I WILL NOT UPDATE.

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	5. This can't be happening

**Yay, chapter five is here! Sorry it took me so long, but with school and all, I've been pretty booked.**

**PLEASE NO FLAMES- IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DEAL WITH IT. No, I mean it! I am way oversensitive about my writing and will accept CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM but please no harsh comments**

Hollyleaf:

Oh great StarClan. I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead, I'm dead! _Pregnant? _What am I going to do? I, Hollyleaf, am still a very young cat. I can't do pregnant. That doesn't work for me. I can't believe it.

_I can still recall that day like it was yesterday. Exile. Breezepelt. Mountains. The memories blur by in a flash, but it happened. That fateful day will be forever etched into my mind. I knew we had gone a little too far, but I wasn't sure._

_Waiting. Wondering. Watching. Horrified. Petrified. Mortified. What would happen to me if I was right? What to tell Breezepelt? He was the father, after all. What would his reaction be? Happiness? Horror? Would he help me parent? Would he make a good father? Or would he just leave me, stranded and helpless, in the middle of the mountains?_

_And then there was that horrrible horrible moment. I poked my underbelly. I can still remember my throat choking up, and my heart coughing into mouth. My body went stiff with shock. I wasn't even convinced this could be happening to me. I didn't want kits. I didn't want a mate. I didn't want a family._

_But I was going to. I felt the kits in there. Growing. It had been long enough to tell. Believe it or not, Leafpool had taught me something. I was pregnant._

Long-ago horrors echoing in my ears, I pushed forward through the heavy snow. It was leaf-bare in the mountains, and I wasn't so sure if this was good for the kits. I just couldn't do this!

Breezepelt leaned rested his tail on my flank. "Are you okay?" He asked, genuine concern in his amber eyes. I sighed.

"Breezepelt, I can't go through with this! I'm just not ready for kits." I entwined my tail with his, suddenly overcome with exhaustion. "We've been walking for hours. I need to sit down." He pressed his pelt against me, transferring all of his warmth to my body.

"Whatever you need, I am willing to give." It was his turn to sigh. I knew he still felt guilty for getting me pregnant. I mean, what's a tom cat to do when he's with a beautiful she-cat who loves him? I didn't blame him; it was just a horrible turn of events.

I could feel the kits kicking. Unfortunetly, there was more than one. If there were more than two, we were in trouble. We could only carry so many. They would freeze. We would have to find shelter. Let's just say….things were looking grim in the future.

I nibbled at the skimpy vole sitting in front of me with no enthusiasm. What's to be enthusiastic about? Life hardly had a purpose anymore. Well….except for Breezepelt. I still loved him more than life itself. Heck, nothing could ever compare to my spiraling splashing ever-pleasing love.

The snow raged in my face. My stomach felt heavy and achy. I shoved the vole away. "I can't." Breezepelt's face was disappointed. I watched his whiskers droop, and it gave me a sort of oozing happiness that he was so concerned for my well-being. I wanted to give in and eat it. Nothing was worse than wasted prey, but I just couldn't do it.

Another wave of exhaustion washed over me. I swayed on my feet as the world spun around me for the second time.

_Pregnant. No. Absolutely not. I couldn't do this. Whispers echoed in my ears, their secrets possessed with age. "You can…You can…You can…Hollyleaf…You can…No…Hollyleaf…" I didn't know what was wrong with me. Nothing seemed right anymore. My eyes blazed with the weight of unknown decision. Mysteries. Tragedies. _

_Pressing down upon me._

_The world whirled and spun like a leaf caught in the wind. _

_And I was nothing but a hapless victim of fate, dragged along for the ride. _

_Plucked out of reality, into this horrific, never-ending nightmare. Nothing would ever be right in my life. This wasn't going to fly. No. No…No…No…This couldn't be happening. Why had I been so stupid? So foolish and naïve! I didn't deserve this agonizing heartache. _

_But I had been an idiot, that's why. I hadn't thought before I did. And look how far we've come. Look what my consequence turned into. My happy medium, sabotaged by this virtual hell. _

"Hollyleaf! Hello? Hollyleaf! What's wrong?"

I shook out my fur, licking the ruffled places smooth. Breezepelt was standing over me, his eyes wide with concern. I didn't even know what had happened. I had just lost myself in memories. Why did that keep on happening?

Suddenly I remembered the prophecy.

I had just relived a memory. No, seriously. I was honestly convinced I was living a couple weeks before. I could feel the sunlight, the breeze, the stones beneath my paws, it was a complete virtual reality. Or virtual hell. Could the prophecy be a curse?

"Oh, Breezepelt! I can't do this! I need to get back to ThunderClan and talk to Lionblaze and Jayfeather." Breezepelt looked hurt.

"But Hollyleaf, you've been exiled! You can't just waltz back into your camp! Every warrior surrounding the lake has permission to kill you!" His eyes were wide with distress as he added, "And I can't have anything happen to you! I'm sorry Hollyleaf, I just can't let you do that. I'm afraid you're not going anywhere. I don't have the mental stamina!"

He shouldered in front of her, barring the narrow path from all access. My mind swam with confusion. Was Breezepelt turning against me? Why wasn't he letting me pass? I tried to sidle through, but he nudged me back.

"Breezepelt, what are you doing?" I inquired hotly, my pelt bristling with indignation. "You can't do this to me! I'll fight you! I need to go back and talk to Jayfeather! Please, Breezepelt, you have no idea how important this is to me."

He snarled. "Hollyleaf, I love you more than I can risk. If you go, you'll get killed. If you get killed, a part of me will be killed, too. I can't live without you! You're my life! You won't even be able to fight as well! Please, just don't go!"

I bared my teeth and spat. "How dare you even try to supress me! Do you really think you can stop me?" He could totally stop me, but the least I could do was try to intimidate him. If that didn't work, I would die giving birth. I couldn't think of a worse way to end my tragic and magical life.

"Jayfeather!" I squealed, rubbing my muzzle against my brother's soft gray pelt. I had missed him so much.

"Hollyleaf….." his voice portrayed warning and disapproval, as his sightless eyes traveled to where Breezepelt sat, his tail curled neatly over his paws. The WindClan warrior's face was expressionless. It was only by a very small piece of luck that I had won our dispute in the mountains. Sometimes a large belly comes in handy, if you use it the right way.

"Hollyleaf, what will Leafpool say?" I cursed silently, forgetting that Jayfeather had the ability to read cats' emotions. He knew everything. My uncertainty, my fear, my stunned horror, my joy, my relief, every single emotion that had ever stirred n my mind.

Uh-oh.

"Jayfeather, I didn't _mean _to, I just sort of….." I trailed off. Things were getting a little awkward. This wasn't the conversation I intended to have with my brother.

I was hidden in a clump of holly bushes by the WindClan border. I had caught Jayfeather searching for herbs, and decided this was as safe as it was going to get. But things were going slightly unaccording to plan.

"No, I just need your help. It's about the prophecy. Is Lionblaze here?" Jayfeather's eyes clouded. My breath caught in my throat when he answered.

"Hollyleaf….after you left, Lionblaze drowned himself."


	6. This is what I wanted

**Well, prepare to be shocked.**

_Hollyleaf_

No. No, no, no, no, no! No! This couldn't possibly be true. No. It couldn't be! Lionblaze? Dead? No. It just didn't work in my mind. The two pieces just didn't go together. It was as if my mind instantly recognized the two words and said, "Nope, these ain't gonna go together!" But they had to. That was clearly the honest to goodness truth. But…._no! _

"No, no, Hollyleaf, it wasn't all because of you! No, not at all! Wait!" I had pushed past him and was making my way to the camp. I didn't care if I had been exiled. My brother killed himself. I didn't really think any cat would have the mental stability or the courage to challenge me. And once they discovered I was pregnant, no cat would ever dare lay a claw on me.

Hollyleaf, murderer and traitor to her clan. That was me. I braced myself, squaring my shoulders and lifting my chin. I was about to push my way through the screens of brambles when Jayfeather bowled into me, pinning me to the forest floor with one paw on my neck. His face was barely an inch from mine, his pearly sightless blue eyes blazing with fury. His gray pelt was fluffed up with the heat of a chase.

"Hollyleaf, you will listen. I don't care if you don't want to. Listen, and listen well. Right after you left; there was an incident at the WindClan border."

"Wait, what?" Breezepelt flung Jayfeather off of me, facing him with fiery thunderstruck amber eyes. I flipped back onto my paws, licking scraps of moss off my scruffy black pelt. My fur was sticking all over the place; I clearly had been too depressed to wash it. I licked my paw and swiped it over my ear. If the toms were going to have a confrontation, so be it. I was still floating in my impenetrable bubble. Nothing had pierced it. Not even the news about my brother.

"Listen, okay? There was this whole thing at the border and all I know is that Heathertail was killed. You guys have probably both heard about their whole little "secret affairs" thing, and well, Lionblaze got a little upset. So soon after Hollyleaf's exile, you know? Well, you can put the rest of the pieces together on your own."

I stole a casual glance at Breezepelt. I know he and Heathertail had been close, but I had always been a little wary about the two of them. I got to my feet, slowly in favor of the kits, and wended my way over to stand by his side. I licked his ear. His whole body was contorted with grief. That wasn't what I wanted to see. I just wasn't sure how I felt about him having a relationship with another she-cat.

Jayfeather looked genuinely miserable. I'm sure he hadn't necessarily elected himself the messenger. Breezepelt's tail was trailing in the dust. His eyes, which had just been glittering with excitement, now stared blankly ahead, dull and desolate. I rested my tail gently on his flank. He turned to me and buried his nose in my pelt, like a kit looking for comfort.

"Hollyleaf, I should've stayed. I should've stayed. I could've saved her." Well, that sure hurt. "Breezepelt, you can't leave me now! Not like this!" He snarled. "Did I ever say I was going to leave you? All I said was that if I'd stayed, I would've fought for her. She was young. She didn't deserve to die." I licked his ear.

Jayfeather hissed irritably. "Hollyleaf, you know he can't come with you if you come back to ThunderClan. You'll have to choose: your clan, or the love of your life?" Oh, great StarClan. Things just got _so _much better for me!

I turned to Breezepelt. Still protected by my little emotional bubble, I tossed both options around in my head.

I loved Breezepelt. I really did. He meant more to me than any cat in the world. Giving up him would be like giving up the world. And the world is something I can't afford to sacrifice. We were expecting kits. We had made them. I can still remember that night, curled up beneath the stars. He had climbed on top of me and put his front paws on my flank. I could still remember the throbbing of his hindquarters against mine. How his hips had pumped back and forth as his paws massaged my flanks.

I remembered how we had hesitated, unsure of whether or not to take things a step farther. He had loved me. I loved him. But would I really give up my life for him? My clan. My family. My friends. The life I knew and lived. What would I choose? I remembered growing up, kithood in the nursery, surrounded by the same cats, the same routines, the same life. All up until now. I had watched death and sickness. Battle and hardships. And I had watched moments of happiness. Birth, warrior ceremonies. Recovery from illness. A battle won. A good hunt. The catmint her beloved brother had found.

But Breezepelt…..

Life as I know it….

Decisions attacked my brain, swarming me from all sides. I turned back to Jayfeather, remorse spilling out of my eyes. "Jayfeather, I can't choose now. I just need to talk to the clan. Let me go in and speak with Leafpool." I could sense his confusion. Out of all the cats in the clan, I had chosen Leafpool. I wasn't sick. But that wasn't what I wanted to talk to her about. Pregnancy.

"Leafpool, it's Hollyleaf!" I heard Jayfeather hiss to the tabby medicine cat. "She needs to talk to you. Can you go meet her by that clump of ferns behind the medicine den?" I watched from my hiding spot as Leafpool cocked her head. I could tell she was confused. Shrugging to herself, she turned and bounded out of the nest. I crouched where I was, bracing myself for the flash flood of questions most likely to come.

The medicine cat came bounding around the corner, her amber eyes wide with concern. "Hollyleaf?" she mewed, eying me up and down. I could practically feel her scorching gaze searing my fur, scanning for any signs of a flaw.

I was crouched awkwardly, uncomfortable but hiding my stomach. "Leafpool, I need your help. And I know what I'm about to say is against the warrior code, but don't forget that I'm in exile." I licked my chest. I wanted to hear what she had to say first.

"Hollyleaf, I'm so sorry about all that you've been through," she murmured. Her eyes displayed genuine concern for my well-being. I could see that just as well as any cat could. Why was she so upset?

"Um…Leafpool….ImpregnantwithBreezepelt'skits." I decided it would be easier to spit it all out in one word. I held my breath, searching her face for any signs of emotion. It remained completely blank. She displayed nothing. No anger, no hurt, no happiness. It was kind of disappointing, really. I was hoping to read the signs.

Her face suddenly contracted. She looked a lot older than I had ever seen her. "Oh, Hollyleaf….I'm so sorry! I can't help you when you've been exiled. I'm afraid there's nothing I can do."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear.

Leafpool suddenly turned and ran. I didn't know if I should chase her or just call it quits. I glanced down at my stomach and decided I couldn't afford a chase. I got to my paws and swaggered into the undergrowth where Breezepelt sat, crouched amongst the foliage. His dark pelt was dappled with bright patterns as the sunlight filtered through the trees, illuminating his amber eyes. I let out a meow of happiness and flung myself at him.

Lionblaze was dead?

_Breezepelt:_

Oh my god. I still couldn't get over it. What had I done? Getting Hollyleaf pregnant? But I had wanted to so bad….I loved her. I can still remember the feeling of her hips between mine. The sensation of licking the base of her tail. The throbbing of my hindquarters. I loved her.

But I could never be with her. I know I love her, but I need my clan. _My _life. _My _customs. _My _clanmates who had surrounded me, grew as I grew, loved as I loved, lived as I lived. I loved Hollyleaf so much. I didn't want to leave her ever again. But….my life. I wasn't so sure what meant more to me.

Love is an overpowering thing. I had never been in love before this. I mean, sure, I might have had a tiny crush on Heathertail, but she was having an affair with Lionblaze. With Hollyleaf- I was in love. I loved her so, so, so much. I had even gone to the extent to make her pregnant. (Well, I still felt bad for that.)

But Heathertail was dead? No! I had to return to my clan! I needed to avenge her death. Heathertail didn't deserve to die. I shoved away from Hollyleaf as an incredible wave of grief washed over me. A feeling of grief I had never felt before. It was a horrible feeling, really. My heart ached. It hurt. I could actually feel it's throbbing, painful against my chest. Heathertail was so young. I remember when we were made apprentices together. I remember training with her, our destinies woven together by a melded kithood. I remember becoming a warrior with her, fighting side by side. She was my best friend.

Hollyleaf rasped her tongue over my ear. I moved away. I needed to be alone. There was no time for love. There was only time for grievance. Nothing would be the same. I _couldn't _return to WindClan. It just wouldn't be the same without her. No. I would stay with Hollyleaf. I wouldn't leave her. I would stay by her side. I would raise our kits with her. I needed her.

And I would fight as hard as I could to keep it that way. When you're in love, you'll do anything to keep it that way. I would climb the highest mountain. Wade across the widest river. Fight through a thousand angry clans. Anything to keep it that way.

I nudged closer to Hollyleaf, and instantly the hurt evaporated from her eyes. I licked her face. She entwined her tail with mine. I would love her to the end of the world.

What did I want? I wanted this.

**This is the end, folks. I hope you enjoyed. No flames, please. If you don't like it, I don't need to hear about it.**


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